small town parenting

How many parents in a small town have had to stand silently by as their son or daughter waited on the sidelines to play in a game? We moved to a wonderful town when our oldest son was in the fifth grade. He joined the pee-wee football team, signed up to play little league baseball and for the first time in his life decided to try to play basketball. He went out everyday and practiced his heart out in football, unfortunately it seemed since we didn't have the right last name or connections he stood on the sidelines in every single game. My parents drove an hour to watch him sit on the sidelines. It was always my understanding that pee wee was a time for children to learn, to practice and to improve. Instead it turned out to be a time for my oldest son to learn how to work just as hard as everyone else and get nothing in return. We paid to get into every game as the starting line-up lost game after game and no other child got a chance to play. I was so frustrated, but my son begged me not to say anything. I did approach the coach and asked simply what he could do to improve and I was told he was doing great. Football season ended and we ran into little league baseball. On his previous team, in our previous town, our son was third in the batting order - a really good, consistent hitter and he played second base. Not in our new small town. Again, the coaches didn't know him, didn't want to know him or give him much of a chance. He was delegated to outfield and somewhere near the bottom of the batting order. He didn't play a whole lot, but showed up to every practice and every game. He loves sports and was just so happy to be a part of a team in his new town, with a group of new friends. Worst of all our experiences that year was the end of baseball and the beginning of basketball. He had never played in a team setting, nothing more than shooting baskets with me at the park. He went to all the conditioning and all the practices and then came the phone call that he didn't make the team. Didn't make the team??? I thought this was a community basketball program, kids come and play, they grow and learn and improve. That is not the way it works here. Turns out it is "very competitive" and as I learned when my youngest son decided to give it a try a few years later, it is cutthroat and not so much fun. So here I am still watching and silently standing by as my youngest son is walking the same route my oldest son has already walked. The oldest boy has put in over 6 years of hard work to prove himself. Still, when his old coach saw him play football at the high school level last year, he seemed shocked at how well he did. All I wanted to say was the talent was ALWAYS there, you just refused to see it or give him a chance. Now I'm watching my youngest son suffer. The poor kid played basketball for two years and not only sat the sidelines in every single game, he sat the sidelines during practice! How is it possible that a good coach will not teach every player on his team how to play?!! He does not have the same inner confidence that my oldest one has. He does not have the same group of really great friends supporting him every step of the way. Now I am standing silently by, watching him work and sweat and suffer and then stand on the sidelines. Same coaches, same town, same results. From the pee-wee level up they have a chance to build players, teach them, train them, mold them into winners. Instead they are teaching starters to be the team bullies, second and third string kids that they aren't worth coaching. Wouldn't it make more sense to teach and train every single child that comes their way in every sport? Not every one of them will be the superstar, but if every one of them has the knowledge to start with and the training to build on, they can become whatever he or she wants to be. THAT should be what the high school coach should tell the junior high coach and what the junior high coach should tell the pee-wee and little league coaches. Teach them all everything, let them all practice, let them all know the feeling of being in a game. The kids will take care of the rest. Give them that feeling of making a great play, of hearing their name over the loudspeaker, of hearing a crowd clap and cheer for THEM.... that is a feeling that will build your individual players which will build your teams, which will eventually build champions.